By April 21st, D had completed his lengthy Affidavit with the assistance of his sister Krista and her wife Kristine. Both attourneys contributed their expertise. D felt that his thoughts were all over the place. He knew what he wanted to say but could not get it from his head to the paper in the manner he needed. He had gone through stacks of documents, history of events in his head and emotions that accompanied it all. It was a challenge to say the least. They were invaluable in pulling it all together. We are very grateful for them.
The Affidavit was complete and ready to be served. This was the beginning for D with the court process.
Sharon was served that evening by a family member of mine, Anita. Our families...astounding!
Sharon answered the door, opened the door a crack and Anita stated she could barely get the envelope through it. This exact sequence is a carbon copy of when papers were served to her in 2001 by Anita as well.
The week had been eventful and it was not quite over.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
April 19th, 2011
I had solicited our friends' support in a mass email/text earlier that day. I was awaiting a text from D at about 2:00 AZ time as 15 mins would be over by then. His appearance was at 1:30 p.m. I checked my phone at 2:30... no message. I texted D and he responded that it was "still on. They think I am a real estate developer and they don't beleive that I am in Canada." I was driving and I started laughing. None of this surprised me. It had almost become a comedy. I am chuckling as I write in the Blog. Sharon would provide the courts with inaccurate information and it was accepted as fact. D would always have to assert that the information was false. There was a time several months back that the DES child support division here in AZ thought D was an engineer and that he was making a significant income. Once again, false information.
It was not until just before 4:00 p.m. here that D and I talked over the phone. He felt he had handled it pretty well. He caught in on film also. In summary:
Sharon had tried several times to bring up past topics and was redirected to discuss what was at hand. She insisted that D could not be in Canada because he couldn't get into the country without a passport. D offered to address this with the Courts and was told it would not be necessary. D heard whispers in the background when Sharon spoke. She was being advised from an attourney's office. D could see the number on the call display while they were conferenced in together. They would also see where he was calling from. By the end, D was found to be in "contempt of Court for failure to comply with a valid support order from Canada, a child support Arrest Warrant would be issued for DM, and a cash purge release amount would be set at $5000.00."
The courts had the cash purge commencing at $500 but Sharon contested that. It was then set at $5000.00 despite her continued protest of the amount. She requested that it be much higher. D expressed that he had no money, was unemployed and was in Canada taking care of this so he would not be able to pay the amount at this time.
Both of us took the news in stride and we were not dismayed.
This was a necessary step toward the goal.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
It was not until just before 4:00 p.m. here that D and I talked over the phone. He felt he had handled it pretty well. He caught in on film also. In summary:
Sharon had tried several times to bring up past topics and was redirected to discuss what was at hand. She insisted that D could not be in Canada because he couldn't get into the country without a passport. D offered to address this with the Courts and was told it would not be necessary. D heard whispers in the background when Sharon spoke. She was being advised from an attourney's office. D could see the number on the call display while they were conferenced in together. They would also see where he was calling from. By the end, D was found to be in "contempt of Court for failure to comply with a valid support order from Canada, a child support Arrest Warrant would be issued for DM, and a cash purge release amount would be set at $5000.00."
The courts had the cash purge commencing at $500 but Sharon contested that. It was then set at $5000.00 despite her continued protest of the amount. She requested that it be much higher. D expressed that he had no money, was unemployed and was in Canada taking care of this so he would not be able to pay the amount at this time.
Both of us took the news in stride and we were not dismayed.
This was a necessary step toward the goal.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
The AZ Court Date
On the late afternoon of April 14th, a letter from the Superior Court of AZ arrived at the house. These were the little blows that would send the emotions into a tailspin. It took conscious effort to disable their momentum rapidly.
The court date that D thought was postponed, was in fact set to occur as planned on April 19th, 2011 at 1:30 p.m. The allotted time..."15 minutes due to the high volume of these matters. If the parties anticipate that the disputed issues cannot be resolved within the time allotted for the hearing (15 minutes), a Request for Additional time can be submitted to the Court in writing. If the Court grants the Request for Additional time, an evidentiary hearing will be set for a future date. Given the volume of cases on the Court's calendar and depending upon length of time requested, the evidentiary hearing date will typically be set two months out from the date of the Court's ruling concerning the request for additional time."
Interpret the above noted paragraph as you choose. For me, it reinforced my sentiments about the culpability of the courts when it relates to family/children. It could be months before a parent would see their child/ren.
The letter went on to explain..."Each party is hereby advised that in the event that he/she fails to appear, the Court will proceed in his/her absence and make a decision based on the testimony and information presented, which may include entering a default judgment and/or issuing a Child Support Arrest Warrant."
We knew that the information presented would be Sharon's and we knew that the probability of it not being fully truthful was very high.
D was in Canada. There were 2 business days to take care of this matter.
On Friday the 15th, D took care of it and was granted a telephonic appearance!!
More flow in the direction of change.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
The court date that D thought was postponed, was in fact set to occur as planned on April 19th, 2011 at 1:30 p.m. The allotted time..."15 minutes due to the high volume of these matters. If the parties anticipate that the disputed issues cannot be resolved within the time allotted for the hearing (15 minutes), a Request for Additional time can be submitted to the Court in writing. If the Court grants the Request for Additional time, an evidentiary hearing will be set for a future date. Given the volume of cases on the Court's calendar and depending upon length of time requested, the evidentiary hearing date will typically be set two months out from the date of the Court's ruling concerning the request for additional time."
Interpret the above noted paragraph as you choose. For me, it reinforced my sentiments about the culpability of the courts when it relates to family/children. It could be months before a parent would see their child/ren.
The letter went on to explain..."Each party is hereby advised that in the event that he/she fails to appear, the Court will proceed in his/her absence and make a decision based on the testimony and information presented, which may include entering a default judgment and/or issuing a Child Support Arrest Warrant."
We knew that the information presented would be Sharon's and we knew that the probability of it not being fully truthful was very high.
D was in Canada. There were 2 business days to take care of this matter.
On Friday the 15th, D took care of it and was granted a telephonic appearance!!
More flow in the direction of change.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Keeping It Together
Three weeks in and I started feeling pretty alone. I had a few rough days. D and I talked at length on the phone. I went through the gamut of emotions.
We had wonderful friends who would have been there in a flash if I had needed them. I tapped into them a few times. They were fantastic. All, very supportive and positive.
Nonetheless, the man I shared my life with was not here. We spent so much time together. We loved being in each other's company. Doing nothing with D was awesome.
Stephan and Kyle were checking in on me during the first few weeks. I appreciated their concern.
Time was not standing still. It was the unsettled feeling of not having any timelines. It all felt so obscure. That was the difficult part.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
We had wonderful friends who would have been there in a flash if I had needed them. I tapped into them a few times. They were fantastic. All, very supportive and positive.
Nonetheless, the man I shared my life with was not here. We spent so much time together. We loved being in each other's company. Doing nothing with D was awesome.
Stephan and Kyle were checking in on me during the first few weeks. I appreciated their concern.
Time was not standing still. It was the unsettled feeling of not having any timelines. It all felt so obscure. That was the difficult part.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
An Unexpected Call
Several days after D had been gone, the phone rang. A man was asking for D by his first and last name. His identity was suspect. I quickly said that there was no DM here. The fellow again said, "So there is no DM at this number?" He was very professional and sounded a little surprised in his tone.
That is when I decided to ask, "Who is calling?"
The voice said, "Mel Feit. D emailed me a while back and left this number to call him. He said he was doing a documentary and wanted to talk with me."
I could not believe my ears. Mel Feit was calling our house. We had seen him advocate for divorced parents on television and had seen him on interviews about PAS. He is the Executive Director of the National Center for Men. Most of his clients happened to be male but he had advocated for women as well.
Mel and I spoke for a few minutes and I took down his number. I told him that D would get back to him as he was in Canada.
D had contacted Mel by email a while back. Wow! I was so proud of him at that moment. To have Mel Feit involved at some level in the documentary would be fantastic.
I called D immediately with the information. We were both very pleased at how it was all unfolding.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
That is when I decided to ask, "Who is calling?"
The voice said, "Mel Feit. D emailed me a while back and left this number to call him. He said he was doing a documentary and wanted to talk with me."
I could not believe my ears. Mel Feit was calling our house. We had seen him advocate for divorced parents on television and had seen him on interviews about PAS. He is the Executive Director of the National Center for Men. Most of his clients happened to be male but he had advocated for women as well.
Mel and I spoke for a few minutes and I took down his number. I told him that D would get back to him as he was in Canada.
D had contacted Mel by email a while back. Wow! I was so proud of him at that moment. To have Mel Feit involved at some level in the documentary would be fantastic.
I called D immediately with the information. We were both very pleased at how it was all unfolding.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Everything Exactly As It Should Be
We were excited about the process and what would come of the movement forward. We were both coming from a well intended place. Straight from the heart. No anger, no angst and no fear. Allow me to be very clear...we were coming from there not that we would never experience these emotions. The outcome would unquestionably be positive in every way. Of this, I was 100% confident.
Sure we experienced frustrations here and there on the course but we would work those through and stay focused on the intention. D and I could not pin point what was ahead but it also did not matter as we were ready to move past whatever came our way.
Certain friends and family would question, "What if" this and "what if" that. So many times I wanted to simply say, "What if?" Doubts exist in human minds and are allowed to consume the thoughts. We were striving to release them as quickly as they entered our conscious thinking.
I could not explain fully how and where we were within our beings about this journey. I just knew to the core of my being that the outcome would be "good".
I had a fabulous job that I described as being better than self employment. I had autonomy, flexibility, support, fulfillment and loved what I was doing. I also did not have to chase the income. I was paid every 2 weeks. Imagine that!
This left us both knowing that the "home front" here in AZ would be just fine.
The timing was impeccable.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Sure we experienced frustrations here and there on the course but we would work those through and stay focused on the intention. D and I could not pin point what was ahead but it also did not matter as we were ready to move past whatever came our way.
Certain friends and family would question, "What if" this and "what if" that. So many times I wanted to simply say, "What if?" Doubts exist in human minds and are allowed to consume the thoughts. We were striving to release them as quickly as they entered our conscious thinking.
I could not explain fully how and where we were within our beings about this journey. I just knew to the core of my being that the outcome would be "good".
I had a fabulous job that I described as being better than self employment. I had autonomy, flexibility, support, fulfillment and loved what I was doing. I also did not have to chase the income. I was paid every 2 weeks. Imagine that!
This left us both knowing that the "home front" here in AZ would be just fine.
The timing was impeccable.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Monday, May 9, 2011
The Crossing
It was not until the 3rd day of traveling that I was starting to feel some slight anxiety. I kept busy. D had called me every night along the way. He told me that he was several miles from home when his overwhelming emotions finally settled the day he had left our home. Outwardly I did not witness that. He was trying to keep it together.
He was in Grand Forks on Wednesday night and they needed to tie up a few loose ends before crossing the border the next morning at about 1000. They wanted to cross early should calls need to be made to the Canadian Consulate or family etc.
On March 30th I had sent a text and email out to everyone here I could think of that would put out energy, love, good thoughts, prayers and whatever else to D as he crossed. I remember writing something to the effect of, "Let's propel him across."
I can still feel today, what I felt then, as I received a call to my cell phone that he was in Canada and still in the car with my father.
I called his brother, his sister and his mother.
This felt promising.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
He was in Grand Forks on Wednesday night and they needed to tie up a few loose ends before crossing the border the next morning at about 1000. They wanted to cross early should calls need to be made to the Canadian Consulate or family etc.
On March 30th I had sent a text and email out to everyone here I could think of that would put out energy, love, good thoughts, prayers and whatever else to D as he crossed. I remember writing something to the effect of, "Let's propel him across."
I can still feel today, what I felt then, as I received a call to my cell phone that he was in Canada and still in the car with my father.
I called his brother, his sister and his mother.
This felt promising.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
D Hits The Road
On March 28th, 2011 my father's vehicle was packed to the roof. He had offered to drive D to Canada. He and his fiancee were in AZ for the winter months and were heading back home. I felt good that D would be traveling with my dad as I knew there would be much conversation and support all along the 3 day trip. I also was very confident that my father would remain very calm while crossing the border no matter what would develop.
My father and Solange were sad for me as I would be alone here. They gave me a big hug each. They had tears in their eyes. D and I hugged very tightly and told each other to stay strong. The man I was waving goodbye to was embarking on a journey that would be a part of his freedom.
D was the most kind, gentle and generous man I had ever known. He was a friend, a confidante, and a partner in life. I supported him in his endeavor.
He was a man of honor. I would miss him tremendously.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
My father and Solange were sad for me as I would be alone here. They gave me a big hug each. They had tears in their eyes. D and I hugged very tightly and told each other to stay strong. The man I was waving goodbye to was embarking on a journey that would be a part of his freedom.
D was the most kind, gentle and generous man I had ever known. He was a friend, a confidante, and a partner in life. I supported him in his endeavor.
He was a man of honor. I would miss him tremendously.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
From The Heart Of One Young Man
We had been friends with the Adams family for 10 years. Their son was my son Stephan's age. We'd spent quite a bit of time together over the years. Once he found out that his mother was writing a letter, Devin wrote one without being asked. Here is what he wrote:
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
3/25/11
To whom it may concern,
I have had the privilege to have known D now for eleven years, the better half of my life at twenty-one years of age. Aside from being overly caring, he has shown my family nothing but the utmost love and dedication throughout the years. D is always willing to help with anything and everything my family needs and I will always be in debt for the help he has especially given to my elderly grandparents who could not have had their dream house without his helping hands. With his optimistic, can-do attitude I am convinced that he is capable of anything he sets his mind to and people rally behind this man’s confidence and wisdom he has accumulated throughout his experiences. With patient, firm hands I have seen him build things and solve problems and build masterpieces from the ground up from just an idea and some unbreakable work ethic. I have always seen D put others needs before his own as a truly selfless person. There was a moment in my life growing up when I was in a bit of a rough patch and D must have known because he came up to me and in a comforting voice spoke “If you ever need someone to be there especially sometimes when your family can be too close to the situation you know I will always be there”. That is the moment I think of when I hear his name amongst other fond memories, and it has always been a blanket of security I can keep with me. He is the most dependable person I know and if he has proven anything to me through example in my life it is that he will always be there even if I never call in the favor. I love and respect D with all of my heart and I would do anything for him, as I know he would say the same for me.
Sincerely,
Devin Adams.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
The Week Prior To Departure
The time seemed to be going at lightning speed. We had but a few days together left.
D had to acquaint himself with the new video camera. Thank goodness for Steve Wargo as he was the one who recommended it and was able to give D a Camera Handling 101 crash course.
D packed his garbage bags of clothing and a duffle bag of equipment and personal items. As he sat on the floor in our bedroom he said, "I'm going back pretty much with what I came here with." I was able to film him while he was packing and asked him some questions on camera. It was extremely emotional for him. He was so looking forward to getting back to Canada to settle this once and for all yet he was leaving his family and his home for an undetermined amount of time. The scene was raw. I recall fighting back my tears and saying, "Baby I would hug you right now but I can't because I'm filming you." He understood that this type of footage was critical for the film.
That afternoon on March 26th we had a gathering of close friends and family here to send D off on his quest with love and an abundance of great energy. I interviewed several of them on camera. Steve gave me a crash course. Our friends were asked 2 questions and in their answers, every single one had nothing but kind words to say about their friend D. I was so proud and so thankful for all of these admirable folks.
We had so much love all around us. A few friends also wrote letters describing D and what he meant to them. He had touched so many by just BEING himself.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
D had to acquaint himself with the new video camera. Thank goodness for Steve Wargo as he was the one who recommended it and was able to give D a Camera Handling 101 crash course.
D packed his garbage bags of clothing and a duffle bag of equipment and personal items. As he sat on the floor in our bedroom he said, "I'm going back pretty much with what I came here with." I was able to film him while he was packing and asked him some questions on camera. It was extremely emotional for him. He was so looking forward to getting back to Canada to settle this once and for all yet he was leaving his family and his home for an undetermined amount of time. The scene was raw. I recall fighting back my tears and saying, "Baby I would hug you right now but I can't because I'm filming you." He understood that this type of footage was critical for the film.
That afternoon on March 26th we had a gathering of close friends and family here to send D off on his quest with love and an abundance of great energy. I interviewed several of them on camera. Steve gave me a crash course. Our friends were asked 2 questions and in their answers, every single one had nothing but kind words to say about their friend D. I was so proud and so thankful for all of these admirable folks.
We had so much love all around us. A few friends also wrote letters describing D and what he meant to them. He had touched so many by just BEING himself.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Anticipating The Departure
After jumping through hoops and making several phone calls, D was certain that his court date here in AZ would be postponed. He had to be gone to Canada before April 19th. His departure date was no longer optional. There was nothing that could be done in the courts here as far as initiating changes in court orders. This needed to be done in Canada. The last thing we wanted was for him to be in jail here.
The largest obstacle was finding out whether D had an arrest warrant out on him in Manitoba for failing to appear at a show cause hearing back in 2001/not paying child support. No one could give him an answer. D had sought information from an attorney, an officer from the RCMP immigration division and the Canadian Consulate by phone.
He intended to be arrested at the border. Arrangements were made with family should this be the case. So many "what if's" rolled around in our minds.
D had no Canadian passport and was not a citizen of the USA yet. Would they let him in? He was sure that he could not apply for a Canadian passport due to a probable hold placed on it by Maintenance Enforcement years ago. No one could give him a precise answer. He had to take a trip to the Canadian Consulate in Los Angeles, CA to find out for sure. There was no other way. He headed west on March 22nd.
Steve Wargo offered to go with him as he had business in LA. He would also film D while he was at the Consulate. Our video camera was ordered but had not come in yet. Steve used his.
Finally some answers. The Consulate could not confim that there was or there wasn't a warrant in Manitoba. They could however confirm that D could travel to Canada and cross by land without a passport. This was great news!
We now knew that he would be allowed into the country. We did not know if he'd be arrested at the border but it did not matter.
D would face whatever came his way. He was mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually ready.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
The largest obstacle was finding out whether D had an arrest warrant out on him in Manitoba for failing to appear at a show cause hearing back in 2001/not paying child support. No one could give him an answer. D had sought information from an attorney, an officer from the RCMP immigration division and the Canadian Consulate by phone.
He intended to be arrested at the border. Arrangements were made with family should this be the case. So many "what if's" rolled around in our minds.
D had no Canadian passport and was not a citizen of the USA yet. Would they let him in? He was sure that he could not apply for a Canadian passport due to a probable hold placed on it by Maintenance Enforcement years ago. No one could give him a precise answer. He had to take a trip to the Canadian Consulate in Los Angeles, CA to find out for sure. There was no other way. He headed west on March 22nd.
Steve Wargo offered to go with him as he had business in LA. He would also film D while he was at the Consulate. Our video camera was ordered but had not come in yet. Steve used his.
Finally some answers. The Consulate could not confim that there was or there wasn't a warrant in Manitoba. They could however confirm that D could travel to Canada and cross by land without a passport. This was great news!
We now knew that he would be allowed into the country. We did not know if he'd be arrested at the border but it did not matter.
D would face whatever came his way. He was mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually ready.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Be Do Have
I was so grateful and elated at times at how it was all coming together. I would describe it as bittersweet in the beginning. Our friends here supported us and offered so much strength for the cause.
In late February Julie, the filmaker/director met D for the first time and by the end of the visit she had given him the name and number of a personal friend of hers. Her friend and colleague was Steve Wargo, a cinematographer who owned a film production company here in town. He'd been in the industry for years. Steve's office was about a 1/4 mile from our home. Incredible!
D called him and offered to help him in any capacity in order to learn about making a film. In doing just that, he met numerous individuals in the industry and was taught so many tips and tricks of filming. Connections were being made.
It begins with BEING the person you want to be. This allows you to DO the things you desire so that you can HAVE what it is you seek.
We both have such faith in that principle and strive to live it daily. Think about it.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
In late February Julie, the filmaker/director met D for the first time and by the end of the visit she had given him the name and number of a personal friend of hers. Her friend and colleague was Steve Wargo, a cinematographer who owned a film production company here in town. He'd been in the industry for years. Steve's office was about a 1/4 mile from our home. Incredible!
D called him and offered to help him in any capacity in order to learn about making a film. In doing just that, he met numerous individuals in the industry and was taught so many tips and tricks of filming. Connections were being made.
It begins with BEING the person you want to be. This allows you to DO the things you desire so that you can HAVE what it is you seek.
We both have such faith in that principle and strive to live it daily. Think about it.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Confirmation That It Was Time
These episodes were constant reminders that we needed to do this more than ever. Now was the time. It was all for good.
My emotions were up and down. I was trying to be strong for me and for D. We knew he'd be leaving soon and we had no idea for how long.
We had many visitors from Canada during the months of February and March. They provided much support however all of the activities left us with less time to really prepare for his departure.
Prepare...how?...and for what?
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
My emotions were up and down. I was trying to be strong for me and for D. We knew he'd be leaving soon and we had no idea for how long.
We had many visitors from Canada during the months of February and March. They provided much support however all of the activities left us with less time to really prepare for his departure.
Prepare...how?...and for what?
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
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