D and I were feeling really good. We felt fortified. Christmas was around the corner and we wanted to spend it being home with the boys. We also wanted to celebrate with all of our friends. We threw a party. We had not had a large gathering at the holidays for a few years. We had so much fun and most everyone we had invited was able to be there. Our home was filled with great energy.
The season came and went in a flash. We basqued in the warmth the holidays brought and my father and his fiancee were here to ring in the New Year.
We knew that we would be facing the "dark coud" head on very soon. We could no longer buy time and we no longer wanted to. It was time to tackle this.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Deep Unresolve Unleashed
Cliche as it may sound, D had an "aha" moment in the fall of 2010. Both of us were diligent in our commitment to ourselves. We continued to feed our minds and our hearts with positive information, meditation and we surrounded ourselves with great people. Strength would be required in the very near future.
While we were having coffee with friends, something clicked within him and he shared how he felt. He realized that he had harbored anger deep within him for all of these years. This anger had not surfaced before. Thinking he had forgiven his ex-wife Sharon in order to be able to move on, he had not conceived holding on to this destructive emotion. This had held him back for 11 years.
D went on to say that he now knew that no matter what he would have done during his marriage, it would never have been enough. He had often wondered why Sharon would do this to him and her children. He had been a good husband, a good father, a good provider...so why?
That day, D answered his own question. Sharon would not allow herself love. She did not know how to. He would now be free. He could sense that the person he was to his core would now emerge in every respect. I was so happy for him.
For years he would say that he just didn't know what the problem was. He had dreams and goals but he never seemed to be able to give any of it his all. He was held down and he could not explain by what. He worked hard at everything he did but his potential was not being realized...until now.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
While we were having coffee with friends, something clicked within him and he shared how he felt. He realized that he had harbored anger deep within him for all of these years. This anger had not surfaced before. Thinking he had forgiven his ex-wife Sharon in order to be able to move on, he had not conceived holding on to this destructive emotion. This had held him back for 11 years.
D went on to say that he now knew that no matter what he would have done during his marriage, it would never have been enough. He had often wondered why Sharon would do this to him and her children. He had been a good husband, a good father, a good provider...so why?
That day, D answered his own question. Sharon would not allow herself love. She did not know how to. He would now be free. He could sense that the person he was to his core would now emerge in every respect. I was so happy for him.
For years he would say that he just didn't know what the problem was. He had dreams and goals but he never seemed to be able to give any of it his all. He was held down and he could not explain by what. He worked hard at everything he did but his potential was not being realized...until now.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Another Blow
We knew the fire was on our tail at this point. We considered ourselves extremely grateful for the gift of time that we had been given. We felt it inevitable...the battle would have to be picked up from where it left off 11 years prior.
I was at the gym in the middle of a workout one day in September when my trainer Don said, "it's D, he needs to talk to you, says it's urgent." D never called me at the gym. He asked me to come home immediately and we would discuss it when I arrived.
Once in the house I noticed D was pacing back and forth in the hallway. I asked my son Kyle what was going on and he replied he did not know but that he had never seen D like that before.
Our bank accounts had been completely emptied but a few hundred dollars. This was done by DES. It was all child/spousal support related.
I happened to be the strong one on this day and D was discomposed. He felt ill by what had happened and felt responsible. I was not pointing fingers and reassured him that we would figure it out. I was not surprised really. Nor was he. We were cognizant of the approaching heat. This would not be a smooth road.
Both of us kicked it into high gear, we made several calls, set up an appointment with a family attourney I knew, called DES and our bank. Within a few days we managed to negotiate getting 50% of the money back and 50% went on to Canada. Needless to say we changed our bank accounts so that DES could never access my accounts again.
Strategic planning would be necessary moving forward. D would get the legal ball rolling as the "sleeping dog" had awakened.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
I was at the gym in the middle of a workout one day in September when my trainer Don said, "it's D, he needs to talk to you, says it's urgent." D never called me at the gym. He asked me to come home immediately and we would discuss it when I arrived.
Once in the house I noticed D was pacing back and forth in the hallway. I asked my son Kyle what was going on and he replied he did not know but that he had never seen D like that before.
Our bank accounts had been completely emptied but a few hundred dollars. This was done by DES. It was all child/spousal support related.
I happened to be the strong one on this day and D was discomposed. He felt ill by what had happened and felt responsible. I was not pointing fingers and reassured him that we would figure it out. I was not surprised really. Nor was he. We were cognizant of the approaching heat. This would not be a smooth road.
Both of us kicked it into high gear, we made several calls, set up an appointment with a family attourney I knew, called DES and our bank. Within a few days we managed to negotiate getting 50% of the money back and 50% went on to Canada. Needless to say we changed our bank accounts so that DES could never access my accounts again.
Strategic planning would be necessary moving forward. D would get the legal ball rolling as the "sleeping dog" had awakened.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Monday, April 18, 2011
The "Dark Cloud" Releases The Rain
In the spring of 2010 D contacted our immigration attourney David regarding his becoming a citizen of the United States. David informed D that with the child support arrears, it would most likely be problematic. He wanted D to be able to show that he had commenced some legal action to settle this debt.
D spoke to his BK trustee Doug regarding details on his discharge and the sale of the marital home. No news yet. D made contact with an attourney, Reagan who knew his case all too well. Reagan advised "let a sleeping dog lay". D opted to wait a little longer.
By August, the trustee informed D that his ex-wife had dropped off a $90K cheque to his office and that a full accounting would need to be done. He broke the news to D that there would not likely be anything left for D. Not ever wanting money for himself, D at least had hoped for some cash to put toward his child support. Here is what it was looking like at a glance...there were no final figures. Doug stated that it would take a few months to reconcile.
D's attourney fees from 11 yrs prior = $30,000.00
D's creditors for personal debt 11 yrs prior = $5000.00
Interest x 11 years = $12,000.00
Trustee fee = unknown
Lawyer fee that trustee hired for the opposed BK = unknown
I was hopeful that maybe D would have had $30K left to go toward his arrears for child support. This would leave approximately $12K for attourney/trustee fees. Remember, this BK sat suspended for 11 years. This was his hard earned equity from his house that he had single handedly paid down to less that $10K when he was told to leave the home.
I was beyond distraught. My emotions were so out of control and I sobbed. This man that I loved so much was yet again being stomped on. I could not wrap my head around the fact that this seemed to be something so trivial to the trustee. I was so hurt for D.
He was so calm and reassured me that none of it really mattered to him at this point.
Thank goodness one of us was strong on that day. The table would turn. More rain was in the forecast.
(I am chuckling as I write this as there is nothing left to do but shake my head in disbelief...the course of events seemed comical at times due to the absurdity)
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
D spoke to his BK trustee Doug regarding details on his discharge and the sale of the marital home. No news yet. D made contact with an attourney, Reagan who knew his case all too well. Reagan advised "let a sleeping dog lay". D opted to wait a little longer.
By August, the trustee informed D that his ex-wife had dropped off a $90K cheque to his office and that a full accounting would need to be done. He broke the news to D that there would not likely be anything left for D. Not ever wanting money for himself, D at least had hoped for some cash to put toward his child support. Here is what it was looking like at a glance...there were no final figures. Doug stated that it would take a few months to reconcile.
D's attourney fees from 11 yrs prior = $30,000.00
D's creditors for personal debt 11 yrs prior = $5000.00
Interest x 11 years = $12,000.00
Trustee fee = unknown
Lawyer fee that trustee hired for the opposed BK = unknown
I was hopeful that maybe D would have had $30K left to go toward his arrears for child support. This would leave approximately $12K for attourney/trustee fees. Remember, this BK sat suspended for 11 years. This was his hard earned equity from his house that he had single handedly paid down to less that $10K when he was told to leave the home.
I was beyond distraught. My emotions were so out of control and I sobbed. This man that I loved so much was yet again being stomped on. I could not wrap my head around the fact that this seemed to be something so trivial to the trustee. I was so hurt for D.
He was so calm and reassured me that none of it really mattered to him at this point.
Thank goodness one of us was strong on that day. The table would turn. More rain was in the forecast.
(I am chuckling as I write this as there is nothing left to do but shake my head in disbelief...the course of events seemed comical at times due to the absurdity)
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Refreshed and Moving Forward
We came back from Forida feeling we were very clear about our intentions. The priority was taking care of our health from head to toe. This meant more than just physically working out as we were doing. I felt such a sense of freedom. I felt completely detached from anything material. Both D and I have not spent our lives placing great value on materialistic objects, however, we had certain ideas and expectations in our 40+ years of conditioning. Personal growth is endless. It never stops. Learning and experiencing is all around us. We knew this, however it would be vastly different going forward.
We vowed to live and be present in the moments we so enjoyed. We wanted to see the good in every experience. We were human and we knew this would be an ongoing challenge. We were so grateful for our lives with all of its twists and turns. Everything that had come our way to date brought us to where we were. I had a journal entry from years prior where I described my appreciation of the "magestic beauty of mountains". I felt it again. We had been so entrenched in our businesses and time simply passed. D was not quite at the same place. Deep unresolve remained.
We were, nonetheless feeding our beings with positive practices.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
We vowed to live and be present in the moments we so enjoyed. We wanted to see the good in every experience. We were human and we knew this would be an ongoing challenge. We were so grateful for our lives with all of its twists and turns. Everything that had come our way to date brought us to where we were. I had a journal entry from years prior where I described my appreciation of the "magestic beauty of mountains". I felt it again. We had been so entrenched in our businesses and time simply passed. D was not quite at the same place. Deep unresolve remained.
We were, nonetheless feeding our beings with positive practices.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
The Pivotal Moment
Our world personally, was changing before our very eyes. The squeeze came with a force. We were getting a taste of it at the end of 2008. Pressure was felt from all directions and in 2009 the housing market, the stock market, and the credit/lending crisis affected not only us and the business, but all of the clients and partners as well. Restructuring was necessary.
We would reinvent ourselves as needed. Yes! That's exactly what we would do. We could do it and we did. We were committed to our future and all we would need to do was shift gears, work harder and we would eventually get back on track.
In July 2010 I took D with me to Orlando on a business trip about marketing for that very reason. I no longer wanted to travel alone on business. I had told D that he was coming with me on the next trip and this was it. It was time to get back in the game!
The trip proved to be phenomenal. It was the catalyst that would change the course of my life. I discovered the moment of truth. It had nothing to do with the convention nor the business. I was exhausted. D shared this sentiment about himself as well. We had depleted our stores for ourselves. What were we doing to replenish our own beings? Not enough!
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
We would reinvent ourselves as needed. Yes! That's exactly what we would do. We could do it and we did. We were committed to our future and all we would need to do was shift gears, work harder and we would eventually get back on track.
In July 2010 I took D with me to Orlando on a business trip about marketing for that very reason. I no longer wanted to travel alone on business. I had told D that he was coming with me on the next trip and this was it. It was time to get back in the game!
The trip proved to be phenomenal. It was the catalyst that would change the course of my life. I discovered the moment of truth. It had nothing to do with the convention nor the business. I was exhausted. D shared this sentiment about himself as well. We had depleted our stores for ourselves. What were we doing to replenish our own beings? Not enough!
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Our Ever Changing Vision
I had spent the past several years growing a few businesses with D alongside. The experience was incredible. I traveled often, we worked long hours, we met wonderful people, our boys supported our efforts and we were successful. We had integrity and we were very proud of this.
Earnings were reinvested back into the companies, business debts were paid down and retirement accounts were being established. We could see the light at the end of this tunnel we were in. There were so many peaks and valleys during this time. We had the blinders on and would focus all of our energies on this future we had envisioned.
This future included...taking care of D's support situation once and for all, early retirement, traveling, spending alot of time with our respective families, volunteering ourselves and giving back monetarily.
Despite our very clear vision, our hard work and work ethic, this would not be the path that we would find ourselves on.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Earnings were reinvested back into the companies, business debts were paid down and retirement accounts were being established. We could see the light at the end of this tunnel we were in. There were so many peaks and valleys during this time. We had the blinders on and would focus all of our energies on this future we had envisioned.
This future included...taking care of D's support situation once and for all, early retirement, traveling, spending alot of time with our respective families, volunteering ourselves and giving back monetarily.
Despite our very clear vision, our hard work and work ethic, this would not be the path that we would find ourselves on.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Well Intended Plans...Shattered!
Our goals for the child support owed was to pay it out when the children became adults. We realized that this was not how the family courts "saw" it. Making one's support payments is seen as equating to good parenting. Money is number 1 on the list. Seeing your children is number 2. D made a conscious choice to stop paying as he was being denied access to his children. The spousal support was to have been reviewed as well and never was. We both felt that the money being paid to his ex-wife was also being used toward legal bills to fight him continually. He had left everything material exactly as it remained. All he wanted was a relationship with his children. No amount of support would ever replace what those 2 young, innocent children lost. Most importantly their father. Secondly, their entire maternal and paternal extended families.
This well intended plan did not come to fruition.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
This well intended plan did not come to fruition.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
Time Flies!...2002-2009
The years flew by. We were very involved parents of 2 busy, growing brutes. Family came to visit us. We had the sunshine and the geography and we would pack as many people as we possibly could into our home at any given time of the year. We loved it. D was very close to his family and I to mine.
The boys had many scholastic projects that they were a part of. We were active in the PTSA. We had baseball, basketball, soccer, and football practices and games to watch. We had a blast as parents. We took road trips, went camping, played softball together, had birthday parties and visited many friends and family during these years. Yes, we had a great life together and we adored one another. We would constantly express our gratitude.
Several letters regarding D's support obligations came in these years and D would always check in with DES and they would always say that there was no issue on their end. He continued to pay what they required. We knew this dark cloud was not going anywhere and that we would have to face it one day.
Make no mistake, as much fun and happiness as we experienced, none of it could compare to the deep pain that D felt during all of these years because his children would NEVER be able to be a part of any of it. What a immeasurable loss for all of them. I witnessed his deep pain when he would allow it to be expressed. I saw him crying and hurting so many times over the years. This was not a pain nor a loss that would lessen.
I could only support him...I could never empathize with his suffering. To lose my children...what could that ever feel like? I cannot even begin to imagine the depths of the despair. He lived it DAILY!
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
The boys had many scholastic projects that they were a part of. We were active in the PTSA. We had baseball, basketball, soccer, and football practices and games to watch. We had a blast as parents. We took road trips, went camping, played softball together, had birthday parties and visited many friends and family during these years. Yes, we had a great life together and we adored one another. We would constantly express our gratitude.
Several letters regarding D's support obligations came in these years and D would always check in with DES and they would always say that there was no issue on their end. He continued to pay what they required. We knew this dark cloud was not going anywhere and that we would have to face it one day.
Make no mistake, as much fun and happiness as we experienced, none of it could compare to the deep pain that D felt during all of these years because his children would NEVER be able to be a part of any of it. What a immeasurable loss for all of them. I witnessed his deep pain when he would allow it to be expressed. I saw him crying and hurting so many times over the years. This was not a pain nor a loss that would lessen.
I could only support him...I could never empathize with his suffering. To lose my children...what could that ever feel like? I cannot even begin to imagine the depths of the despair. He lived it DAILY!
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
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