Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Christmas 2012

     Christmas time... It is the time of year that usually brings many happy thoughts to everyone's minds and hearts, but for myself and millions of other parents and grandparents it also brings on great pain and heart ache.
     Myself and many others grieve every year at this time because of the broken relationships we have with our children. We send out Christmas cards without confirmation that they are ever recieved by the intended individuals, and we don't expect any response even though we always hold out hope that this year there will be a miracle.
     This is the 14th Christmas without Andrew and Rochelle.
     I would like to wish all of the other Parents and Grandparents who have been alienated from their children and grandchildren the best possible Christmas this year.
 
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Thursday, August 9, 2012

The Support of Joe and Maureen

  I want to start by saying thankyou for the phone calls throughout the 16 mos checking in on me to see how I was doing. The support was very important.
  We were fortunate enough to have had time to travel with both of you in February 2011 just before he left for his "quest". This was such a great trip. Thank you for having made all of the arrangement so that we could just focus on getting there and having some fun before he left for Canada.  
  You conveyed that you wished that there was more that you could do. The calls to me and to Denis meant a great deal. Joe you visited with Denis in Winnipeg back in the Spring of 2011. He thoroughly enjoyed the time with you and his siblings.
  Then, there was our memorable trip to Vancouver for Michael's wedding.
  The boys and Amber flew with me and we met Denis there. Maureen had made arrangements to house us all in the condo complex that they lived in. She had friends that gladly offered their condos for lodging while we were in the city for 7 days. Their generosity was incredible. It could not have been more perfect for all of us to be together during this time. The kids had not seen Denis in 8 mos.
  Maureen and Joe were so hospitable. They fed us several meals, drove us around to sight see and tolerated a large group in their quaint and cozy condo for 2.
  We have always enjoyed your company. Thank you for your constant support and love throughout.
 
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The Boys...2 Formidable Sons!

  Without my knowledge, Denis had spoken to both boys before leaving. He had asked them to look out for me, to take care of me and be there for me.  That, they certainly have done.
  We have spent so much time together. We have travelled, vacationed, cooked and baked. We have shared flavorful food and drinks, different wines and varieties of beers. The bottom line was that we were together. Denis shared in some of this as well when we would go to Canada.
  There have been countless conversations and heated debates. Never a dull moment around this group!! They helped me create the back yard "oasis". I needed the manpower for many of the laborous tasks but more importantly they were here spending time with me.
  Kyle would ask me if I was ok and Stephan would check in on me for the same reason. They were there on the really difficult days and I truly could count on them.
  Amber cooked and they had me over to their place for my birthday. I felt so content to have them in my life.
  Amber has been a part of our lives for the past 2 years or so. I have enjoyed her company. She and Stephan have grown a garden in our back yard and we have reaped the fruits of their labor! She also loves to cook and create new things. She and Stephan also rescued "Pele" within hours of her death. She is a blue pit bull mixed with who knows what. She has spent many hours with us as well.
  Stephan and Kyle's support, warmth, love, individuality, honesty, and honor have contributed to who I am and have become. They have taught me a great deal.
  Thanks for being exactly who you both are at every moment of every day!!

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Dad and Solange...The "Transport" Team!

  Well my father Fern and his partner Solange (now wife since May 2011) were here in AZ in the winter of 2011. They had been here in early January with us and then went on to stay in Yuma. We visited them in Yuma and then they came to stay with us here in Phoenix prior to heading back to Canada. My father had offered to take Denis to Canada knowing the risks of his possible arrest and being held up at the Canadian Border.  
  Needless to say they got through without a hitch. There was no one I trusted more to stay calm and to transmit that to Denis. They had 3 travel days to prepare.  Once in Canada, Dad and Solange saw Denis regularly for coffee or dinner etc.
 Our entire family went fishing in the Whiteshell after his wedding in May 2011. Dad paid for the fishing trip. We had a blast. 4 fun filled days in cottages and in the boat on the water fishing. Anita (my cousin), Bruno (my cousin), Stephan (my son), Amber (his girlfriend), Kyle (my son), Gil (my brother), Dad, Solange, Gaylynn (my sisiter in law), her boys C and M, myself and Denis. Dan (my brother) was working. What a beautiful gift...time with people you love.
   Denis had been gone for 9 mos and his trial date was fast approaching. My Dad and Solange made it back here to our home for New Year's Eve. We all created a fabulous meal with the kids. They stayed with me for one month and thank goodness as there were some difficult moments during January 2011.
  They found a cozy motel location about 2 miles from my home. They were there 2 mos. I had dinner with them twice a week there and a few gatherings at my house in between. We went hiking and walking and shopping. They listened to me "tell the tale" so many times with new twists and turns. They were interested and wanted to be current on the goings on. I so recognize the worth of their presence during this time.
  In no time the one year anniversary of Denis being gone was upon us.
  By July 25th, 2012, he had been gone 16 mos and my father was bringing him back across on the USA side this time. The risks of being arrested for the "previous" outstanding warrant in AZ was present despite the new order. Having a Border Patrol Officer give him some trouble about how long he had been in Canada was possible as well. Every personality is a gamble.
  Again...there was no one more fit for this "transport' but my dad. He stated he was bringing his son in law to the airport to fly back home. Denis told him he had been in Canada a few months visiting family and taking care of some personal business.
  They were waived on through!!!!!
  Denis sent me a text that he was across and when I picked that up on my phone I let out a yell...Woooooooohoooooooo!...I was so ecstatic. I felt as though I were floating... I kid you not! He was coming home...
  I booked his flight as soon as I could for the next day. They all spent the night in Grand Forks and shared a magnificent "happy hour".
  Thank you Dad and Solange!
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Monday, August 6, 2012

Roger And Gail...Thanks

  Roger is Denis' cousin and Gail is his wife. Both opened their home to Denis at anytime he needed. Denis spent some time at their cottage as well. They shared meals and drinks and time together. Roger let Denis use his motorcycle "bike" so that he could enjoy a few rides with others who had bikes. They also went on some rides as a group.
  The truck that you offered to Denis for countless months was so appreciated. The cell phone he utilized that was yours, was crucial in his communication with numerous parties during his case.
  Your generosity of lending us your boat to go fishing with my Dad in May 2011 was deeply appreciated Roger. Thank you for sharing.
  Denis was able to keep busy with tasks and odds and ends that Roger needed help with along the way. This helped to divert the pain and frustrations throughout the 16 mos.
  Denis also really enjoyed getting to know Mitchell on another level as a young man. Mitchell is their youngest son. Curtis, their oldest came to one of Denis' court hearings in support and that truly meant a great deal. Curtis actually knew "A" (Denis' son) in high school. He handed a few letters to A during those years. These letters that Denis had written were an attempt to reach out to his son earlier on. Curtis consented to doing this although he was never obligated. That will not ever be forgotten my dear.
  Roger and Gail...thankyou for the offers of picking me up on various occasions in Grand Forks, ND where I flew in to visit Denis. The offers are not forgotten. Your appearances at Denis' hearings...
  I am so grateful for what you have done, have offered and have given.

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Dan & Gaylynn & Boys

   Dan is my brother and Gaylynn is his wife. They have 2 young boys, M was 4 and C was 6 when Denis arrived in Canada last March 2011. Denis spent 5 months at my brother's from Aug - Dec 2011. They spent countless hours talking about the case and hashing out ideas and strategies. I hung my hat there most times I went to Winnipeg to visit. There was never a shortage of conversation regarding life and this adventure we were living. What Denis captured from his stay with Dan & Gaylynn is as follows:
  He was asked to leave his family home in January of 1997. His children were 4 and 6.  He had been a hands on father to his children from the moment of their birth. He then faced supervised and strained visits with his son and daughter through the 2 following years. The alienation process was in full force. He saw his children less and less and found himself wrapped up in a horrific, divorce/custody and access battle. The opportunity to see his children grow and flourish during those 2 years was next to non existent. The last visit he ever had with his children was in March of 1999.
  Denis and I met in June of 1999. My boys were just turning 7 and 9 yrs old. We have been together ever since.

  During one of our countless telephone conversations Denis mentioned that it was inexplainable how he felt life and its events were unfolding for him. He felt that everything that was going on was seemingly meant to be exactly that way, given the circumstances.
  He was an active participant in his children's lives from birth through 4 and 6. He was a very involved and hands on step father to my children from their ages of 7 and 9 through current day.
  The gap that he really missed out on is one of approximately 3 years.
  He felt it timely that he would be seen as the awesome Uncle Denis that our nephews loved sooooo much. Dan felt Denis' involvement with his sons was very important and that no gift could replace this human experience. He was the gift. C and M became very fond of their uncle and he was very active in their lives during the 16 mos spent in Canada.
  Denis felt grateful that he could witness and be a part of C and M's growing and changing over a 16 mos. between their ages of 4 and 6 through almost 6 and 8 (C will be 8 in a few mos). So much happens in this short time frame in a child's life. He felt as though his experience as a father through a child's life was complete. To be able to affirm and be witness to all of the changes and stages in any child's life through adulthood is amazing. He now knew what children do and how they are in that "gap" that he had missed.
  He was content in knowing that no matter who's biological child, he had been wholeheartedly involved in every developmental phase children go through from birth to adulthood. His fatherhood was somehow complete.

  I love you...my brother, Gaylynn and my spirited nephews.

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Saturday, August 4, 2012

Alice, Thankyou!

   Alice is Denis' mother who has supported him in his endeavor since he hit the pavement in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada last year. You have been generous in sharing your cottage with family and friends and it has made for a wonderful getaway spot for all of us throughout this time. You have had lunches and dinners to bring the family together during my "flash" visits to Winnipeg. You provided the "home base" for all of Denis' legal and Maintenance Enforcement correspondence. You answered the door to talk to the police (looking for him) back in the beginning, accepted packages and took telephone messages for him. This was very important in his case.
  Thankyou for offering your home for Denis for several weeks. And...making his absolute favorite...steak and kidney pie!
  You appeared at most if not all of his public court proceedings. The presence of his family in court had to have some type of effect. Especially when the other side never had one person show up in support of her. Thank you Alice!

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Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The "Friend of The Court" Kael...

   Kael was called upon numerous times for legal matters. The "friend of the court" label has a story to it that I will share in another post. Quite comical to say the least. Well Kael is really Denis' youngest brother by many years and is a family law attourney. Thankyou for opening your home and your office to Denis. He needed you on several occasions and you pulled through for him.
  You were there for him at most Maintenance Enforcement "ME" hearings. You helped set the stage for how to engage with ME in these proceedings to a point he felt very comfortable showing up on his own and representing himself quite well.
  You have supported him in his quest all along. You and Kristine (Kael's wife) have housed him and you both have guided him here and there where legal matters were concerned. Kael, you sent faxes and emails and drafted documents when required. He used your house phone so many times so that we could chat long distance. A phone may seem trivial but not when you cannot speak on one at any time you wish. He loves you very much and I am so grateful that you were there for him and with him. Thank you!

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Ah Steve!

  What can I say... you are Denis' bro and you were there for him throughout so many crucial moments. You let him use your vehicle, you housed him for at least 5 months, you let him use your phone so we could chat (oh how we needed that) and you supported him through and through. You drove him places and dropped off things for him here and there. You ran errands for him.
  Steve there was one particular day that you were there for Denis and I know you have no idea what it meant to him. The day before his "trial" in January 2012 he was so exhausted, emotional and nearly tapped out. It was all coming to a head for him the following day. You showed up at Kael's and asked Denis what you could do for him to assist in preparation. You were willing to do just about anything for him. He sent you on an errand that involved the printing of the "press badge" etc. Does not sound like much but you alleviated so much stress for him that morning just by taking on this task. It is this type of support that made a vast difference for Denis.
  You felt for him. Your bond is special.  I know Denis loves you tremendously. You were so happy for him today (the final court appearance for "costs" on July 25th) and Denis felt your joy. For absolutely everything that you have done and for the person you are...thankyou!

  P.S. Thank you for feeding him all of those meats...he needed the protein to keep up his strength...he is going through carnivore withdrawal now!

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Thank You Rob & Brenda!

  I wish to express my gratitude to Brenda (Rob's wife) and Rob, Denis' cousin. Brenda...you are a rock my dear.  You just make it happen and I totally appreciate that about you. You take the initiative no matter what is going on. You are a doer! You planned a wonderful going away gathering for Denis and he was very appreciative. It was a great send off despite not knowing what the next day in court would bring. Rob spoke a few heart felt words and Denis said he did a great job. Rob this was impactful.  
  You guys have been a great support for Denis. He enjoyed the time spent at the lake, at your home with Garrett and the many encounters during the past year.
  Your presence and support at some of his court hearings was priceless.
  It was great seeing you in June 2012 as well. Brenda I appreciated your calls, your texts and your support through the last 16 mos as well. I also want to acknowledge that you took a big leap through a very uncomfortable zone when you chose to write a letter to Denis' children. I know this was not easy. Thankyou for your courage!

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A Victorious Day 15 Years Coming!

  Well hello to all...I am back and have to be consistent with the Blog as the documentary will be created and this provides some of the content.
  I am now going to use our names in full as this battle is finally over as of today. Denis is coming home. He is currently in the USA and he will be flying home to Phoenix tomorrow. He is in Grand Forks, ND. My father told me this morning, "We brought him to Canada last year and we will bring him back home now." He and his wife Solange drove him across the border into Canada last March and back into the US today.
  He has been away from his family, his friends, his home and his life for 16 mos almost to the exact date. He left for Canada on March 28th, 2011 and will be home July 26th, 2012.
  It feels surreal to me. His flight is booked and I pick him up at 1520 tomorrow. I envisioned him being on the couch in the family room once home with me by his side and the boys chatting with us. This was what I was picturing last evening. It will actually come to fruition!

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Sunday, July 8, 2012

You Are An Awesome Man!

Baby I just want to tell you I am so proud of you. You are doing what 99.9% of people would never attempt to do. You have done it. You are nearing the end. You have taken it to the limit. You are almost there. I am so proud of you. I am honored to be a partner with you in life. I am grateful for you. You are an awesome human being and you fucking rock!!!! I love you sooooooo much! I cannot wait until you are home with us.

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Friday, June 15, 2012

More Delay

    Sharon hired another lawyer, his name is Sam Malamud. This would be the fourth Lawyer in a year. He appeared at the May 24, 2012 hearing in front of the Judge. The Lawyer was wanting to discuss security for costs that Sharon was awarded by Judge. The judge and I were under the impression that we were there for direction on drafting the Order. The costs were not discussed at that time. The Judge also set down a date of July 25, 2012 to discuss costs if we haven't already agreed on them. The judged instructed the lawyer how he wanted the Order drafted and the time frame. The Judge sent his instructions to both parties in a couple of days as he stated he would. Sharon's lawyer was to draft Order by the end of that same week and submit final Draft for signing.This of course did not happen. Sharon's Lawyer in that same time frame had time to draw up two affidavits and a Motion for security of costs. I wonder who is delaying and not following the instructions of the Honourable Justice William Johnston? The Motion was to be heard by the Master on Friday the 15th of June 2012... today. This was postpones to June 18, 2012 at 9:30 A.M.

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What Was The Judge Thinking!

    Hello Everyone, yes it has been a long time since either B or I have written anything on the blog. Many things have transpired since the last post and many things have stayed the same. I have continued going to Maintenance Enforcement Program hearings monthly to update the Crown and their Client MEP and my former wife of my Variation Order. On March 30, 2012 the Judge gave his decision orally, at that time Sharon and I were both self represented. The Judge told us we had to write up the order ourselves. Neither of us knew how to do this. Sharon tried putting her draft of the Order through to the Judge for signing. She also tried adding something that was never a part of the verbal decision from the Judge. Hers was rejected by Judge and sent back with instructions on what he wanted in the draft. I was not aware of this draft until the Judge sent it back to both of us with the rejection letter. 
    Sharon hired her third Lawyer who I had my brother Kael deal with regarding this Order drafting. This Lawyer seemed capable but after two weeks of working for Sharon she excused herself from dealing with Sharon by saying she was too busy!!! she actually had informed Kael that her client "Sharon" was being difficult.
    Kael had assisted me in drafting another Order but Sharon would not sign it. We sent it in and asked the Judge to sign it but he would not and so we had to set an appointment with him for May 24, 2012.  
   
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Thursday, February 2, 2012

The Months Before The Hearing

   I had been working on my case steadily for months before the January 17th, 2012 hearing date. I'd stayed up late going over mine and Sharon's Affidavits dating back 15 yrs. This included working on the never ending Motions to Expunge material of mine that was deemed unfavorable by my ex-wife Sharon and her attourney (this simply meant that Sharon and her atty were trying to have many if not all of my recent statements permanently erased from the case records so that these points could not be discussed again in the future). More time and money spent.
  Writing an argument summary for the January hearing was especially hard.
  I did not know which type of hearing I was going to have until 2 days prior. 1) a Discovery type trial is where we would each ask the other side questions 2) an argument type scenario is where we each argue our case to the Judge without questioning each other.
  I was asked by my sister Krista on Sunday, January 15th what type of hearing I was having. This question floored me as I had assumed it would be a regular hearing where both sides ask each other questions. I had done most of my prep work for that type of  court format. How was I to know what type of format it was going to be? At that moment I saw "red". I was so pissed off at the legal system in general and everyone and everything that had any connection to it. I felt as though I had wasted so much precious time. It is not a friendly climate for self represented folks. Purposeful?
  No time to feel sorry for myself now. I switched gears after I vented to my wife B by phone. So much to do yet.
  I worked feverishly for hours. Krista eventually pointed me in the right direction re: the format of Argument.  I had no experience in debating nor arguing so I felt lost as to how to set up my position in a coherent order that made sense to the Judge. I persisted despite how I felt.
  On Monday, my brother Steve called and asked if he could help in any way. I immediately said yes. When he arrived he was ready to do what ever I needed him to.  He was expecting to assist with legal paper work and as a carpenter, he was not accustomed to this. I think he was relieved when I asked him to go to Staples and run some other errands for me the night before THE HEARING. Without their help I would have run out of time. Thanks guys!
   So at midnight, the night before my hearing, I laid down my pen, pads and documents.

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