I met D on June 12th of 1999 through a mutual friend of ours. We were set up and neither of us was prepared for this type of "blind" meeting. Both of us were nervous and did not expect anything to go beyond a hello and a few words. I was actually upset with my friend Tammy for springing this on me once I arrived at her house warming party. I lived in the USA and was only in Canada visiting family for a few weeks and D lived in Canada with no intention of ever leaving. We spoke a few cordial words at the party and that was it. We mingled with several other people throughout the evening and went our separate ways.
I was divorced 2 years earlier and spent my time focused on raising my 2 wonderful, energetic sons. D, I knew was also divorced and had 2 children that he hadn't seen for a few months. D's brother Steve, whom I'd also just met, actually spoke to me at length at this house party and expressed to me that he didn't know anyone that could go through what his brother was going through and not be filled with anger and hatred. He said good things about his brother.
I was intrigued by the fact that we barely spoke. I pondered calling him for several days. I figured I might at least gain another friend. I did not have to call as I ran into him a few days later.
We conversed for a short while that evening, agreed on maybe getting together for a coffee and again, parted ways.
The coffee date came and went. We talked until 0100. I have a vivid memory of D speaking about his children and his ex wife and never once becoming angry or upset talking about her. He said nothing derogatory. This impressed me and I wanted to get to know him better.
We spent as much time as we could together. One afternoon D called me and I happened to be in his end of town with my boys. I asked about possibly having coffee. He said sure and asked where. I said, "Well I was thinking your place." He paused and said in an uncertain tone, "My place?" I continued, "Yes your place unless you don't want us to come to your place?" I found this a little odd. D agreed and we met him at his one bedroom apartment.
The reason he had not wanted us to come to his place was because his apartment had been furnished with hand me down furniture and appliances as well as an old couch that was ready for the dump. He pointed out that the VCR was a gift to his children from their paternal grandfather. He owned nothing but his bicylcle parked in the kitchen and a few items of clothing. He continued to say that he really had nothing to offer to anyone and would understand if I would say goodbye now. All of his earnings were being spent on child/spousal support and his custody battle for his children. He did not care about anything material at that point. My heart went to him. I so felt his pain.
I was really starting to care about this very gentle, soft spoken and humble person. He was good with my kids, respectful to my family, close to his family and he was such a gentleman.
We went to the movies, the Pan Am pool, BBQ's, his mother's lake cottage, we camped with my family, I met his family and friends, we golfed, we went out to eat, we laughed, we conversed and I was falling in love. July 7th I wrote in my journal that it was so great to be with him and that, "He seems to be too good to be true. Only time will tell I guess." July 9th read, "He feels so right. What a great mate. He's fantastic with the kids too. It seems almost impossible that I have come across Mr. Right."
I had been treated with such respect and kindness. I extended my vacation until the 26th of July. I did not want my vacation to end.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
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