The new "family unit" was becoming a familiar way to live as time went on. It was fantastic. D blended in beautifully. It was so great to have a partner in life and a male figure in the household for the boys. Their father was a part of their lives but not on a consistent level. Our door was always open to Paul. We made every effort possible to include him and to encourage his involvement.
In the spring D returned by car to Canada for his brother's wedding and to take care of some legal issues. D's bankruptcy ("BK") was opposed by his ex-wife claiming that he was attempting to get out of paying his support payments. D knew full well the BK would not discharge him of his support obligation. However, the opposition delayed the BK and the trustee told D he had to hire an experienced lawyer due to the type of person his ex-wife was. He seemed to think that she would not back down. He also shared that this lawyer was not cheap. No closure was reached despite the high priced, experienced attourney and a lien was placed on D's share of the value of the marital home. The trustee would take his share once the home was sold. This was the home that was ordered to be sold, but never was. The ex-wife had later managed to legally halt the sale until the youngest child would turn 18.
D sold the Ford Festiva and flew back. We prepared ourselves for a road trip. We were going up the West Coast and through Canada back to Manitoba. We would be gone for 5 weeks.
I was working as a full time school nurse and had the most awesome schedule. 8 weeks off in the summer. Wow! I could be with my kids almost 100% of the time they were not in school. Being a full time mom to my boys meant more to me than anything. I took a huge pay cut with this job but it was worth it in time.
I had tears in my eyes when I first signed my contract in Oct., 1998 as I had never made that little amount of money ($28,600.00 annually) as a nurse and was unsure how it would all unfold as a single parent. We would find out.
Here we were 18 mos later and we had an abundant life. I lived in a good area in a 2 bedroom apartment, I owned a van, a camper, saved for retirement, saved for vacations, wanted for nothing and had the most wonderful family I could ask for. Income was relative. We choose what it is relative to.
D of course could not work as he was a visitor. He contributed in so many more ways than he ever knew. The value of everything we had together could not be measured by a dollar figure.
Our trip was amazing and my cousin Anita joined us. We visited our families and our friends all along the way. We immersed ourselves in fun and laughter.
We spent the summer finalizing various things.
Legal documents were signed in order to protect me and my children from any attempt by D's ex-wife to collect anything from us in any way possible. I became a Citizen of the USA on July 21st and was very content about that. My boys were automatic citizens as well. We now had dual citizenship. D and I were open to any and all possibilities of a future together. D even convinced me to buy a computer for the family as the boys would greatly benefit. Access to technology for education was key. You have to know me to realize that this was a milestone for me.
We started thinking about a new place to live and started looking at other apartments as well as houses. We were envisioning where we would be. Nothing could be certain as there were several things pending yet that could crash down on us at any time. The cloud followed us everywhere we went. It was ever present.
August arrived. The trustee had informed D a few months back that there would be some type of hearing regarding the opposing of the BK in August but that D did not need to be there. This was good news. So we thought. It came out later that the trustee actually stated that D was looking for work in the US, thus his absence. D could not work in the US as he was a visitor with no legal status whatsoever. He certainly would not be looking for work. It was quite clear that this professional had really not been paying attention to his client nor his client's situation. Nothing was resolved and the BK remained opposed.
I spent the rest of 2000 delving into course work and taking classes that would be credited toward my ongoing education and in turn equate to an increased salary. I reached the maximum pay level within one year. This was a significant increase without changing a single thing in the type of job I had. We considered ourselves so fortunate.
By December D was yet again back in Canada to face the results of his assault charges. He would also take the opportunity to drop off gifts for his children at their school and speak to his son's teacher. This of course was after school hours as he could not be anywhere near his children. D was consistent in sending cards at holidays and birthdays.
On Dec. 20th, 2000, D was found guilty of assault causing bodily harm. My heart sank to my gut when he uttered those words on the phone that evening.
He would be sentenced in the new year.
I picked him up at the airport on December 21st. His connecting flight was delayed and he would arrive hours later. One of the longest waits I have experienced.
By 2330 I was hugging him so tightly. Tomorrow would be a new day.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
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