During our 10 years of marriage there had been many trips that I had taken without D. He could not fly without a passport. He could however cross by land. The few road trips that we did do together, D would feel sick to his stomach 2 states before the border. He truly disliked being in Winnipeg as he was in the same city that his children lived in and he could not be anywhere near them. He preferred not being there.
Years back, D had a "hold" placed on his Canadian passport application due to his support arrears. We could never travel outside of the USA by air nor sea.
He missed many functions that his and my family had...weddings, milestone birthdays, anniversaries, births, funerals and special gatherings.
I would try to represent him at many of these but let's face it, his absence was felt by everyone. I certainly was not filling his shoes.
I had told D that I would try to see his daughter R, during one of my visits. He had not seen any quality photographs of her for many years. The school was not allowing him to order any school pictures since the year 2000. Sharon had gone to the school that year after D had left his children Christmas gifts on their desks. Per the school personnel, she had told them that D had a court order preventing him from coming near them and ordering pictures was a part of that. This was not quite factual information. D tried to explain this to the school but it fell on deaf ears. They were afraid of what she might do so they obliged Sharon with no legal papers to support this.
I did see his daughter walking home from school and called D as she proceeded to her house. We did not want to frighten her. She was probably 11 or 12. I remember telling D over the phone that she was tall and slim, had long dark hair and that she was beautiful. I shared with him that she was sort of skipping along as she was going home. This made him happy as he felt that she had some joy and innocence of youth about her. He cried on the phone.
Several years later I would actually make contact with R on the street near her home. She would be about 14 or 15 at that time. I was waiting for his son but I must have missed him somehow. I had not intended on seeing nor speaking to R. I called out her name from across the street and she stopped and turned around. She said, "Who are you?" She looked at me with her head tilted sideways and a puzzled look on her face. This vision is forever etched in my mind and so vivid. She did not appear to be afraid. I told her that I was a friend of her father's and that he loved her very much. With that, she turned back around and walked in a hurried fashion toward home. She never looked back.
During the month of her birthday in 2011 D emailed her on Facebook. He had been able to see her prfile picture at least and she changed it a few times. Her profile was private. It was nice to see her as she was now. She was stunning. All of his photos were from over 11 years ago. D had expressed that it was somewhat painful to see his children's photographs as adults as the only memories he had in his mind were of small children.
He wished her a happy birthday, told her that he loved and missed her and had hoped that she had received his card that he had sent.
He did not expect to hear back and has not to this day.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
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