Contact With His Son

  Apart from the cards D sent on birthdays and Christmas holidays, no attempt at any other form of communication had been made until years later. D found out that his son A worked at a particular Walmart. Family members had run into him there but no actual conversations took place. D called A at his work place one time and did actually speak with him briefly. He was polite and let D know that he was not interested in any communication/relationship with his father. As hurtful as it was for D, he honored and respected his son's wishes and also understood. This was no surprise. A's home phone # had been changed and was unlisted from many years.
  I also made contact during one of my many trips to Canada. My sister in law came with me for support. This was not something I took lightly. A was now 18 years of age yet I wanted to be mindful of his feelings as we had no idea what they had been told all of these years.  I approached him in the department where he worked. I addressed him by his name and had his attention. I introduced myself as his father's wife B and asked if there was any way possible he would communicate by email or phone with his father. He replied, "I'm all set with that. I don't want to have anything to do with that family." These words were so clear and they pierced. What could he possibly know about "that" family?
  I continued with, "You may not know the accurate information about what has happened all of these years." I did not want to imply that he had been lied to. I was not there to denigrate anyone. He responded with, "I know enough. We don't need to be having this conversation." I was slowly walking away and stated, "I respect that but I believe you may not really know what happened." I said goodbye, turned around and walked away. Calling D that evening to inform him of what had happened was not easy.
  There had been no communication with the children during their childhood because of all of the legal restraints. So much time had passed. So much damage had been done. These two kids had lost years of wonderful paternal experiences with a great man that loved them so much. How tragic!
  The last attempt at communicating with his son A was on Facebook. He had a public profile and it was wonderful to be able to see pictures of him and his life on a public site.
  D called me over to the computer late one evening. He actually got me out of bed. His son had responded to him on the Facebook email and he wondered what he should do next. He had so many mixed feelings and needed time to process this. D had invited him to play a game but D's Facebook identity was not his real name.
  This email would be very time sensitive. We knew it needed to be an impactful email as this would probably be a one shot deal.  Here is the last string of communication with A exactly as it occurred several days later:

A  October 23, 2009 at 12:46am

How do I know you

D   November 1, 2009 at 8:11pm

Hi A I am your father... My Love for you and your sister is greater than you may know... Please give me an opportunity to communicate with you... I want the best for you and R..I miss you both so much!!!

A   November 1, 2009 at 8:56pm

For a lot of reasons I doubt that. I'm not interested in having a relationship with someone who decided deserting me and my sister was a good idea. Run away from child support payments, good idea. To where the U.S. I bet. You have kids now we are not yours or part of your family. You don't know anything about us. There's a whole shitload of reasons why you probably don't want or deserve to talk to either of us. I know why you haven't tried to contact R and it would be in your best interest not to. Your attempts to contact me are weak and cowardly. They show you only want to try because of some half baked sense of duty that you clearly do not show much responsibility towards anyway. You know what you owe me, don't waste my time trying to talk to me. I don't owe you anything.

D  November 1, 2009 at 10:56pm

I respect your words. I never abandoned you or your sister, I fought very hard to be in your lives to no avail. I lost my two young children! The legal fight was taking a toll on you and R. At the time I based my decision on your emotional and physical health. I felt it would be best for you two if someone stopped the legal, custody battle. That was me. I have no other biological children and I always wanted you two to be part of my entire family. I am afraid that you may be very misinformed regarding all of the facts and history surrounding the circumstances of the divorce and custody battle. All of it can be found in the public records. I wish I could be the one to share my side of everything that transpired. You owe me nothing but you owe it to yourself and your sister to find out the truth. I am sorry for your pain. If you find out the true facts, some of the pain may be alleviated for you and R. This is what I hope for. I have only yours and your sister's best interest in mind.

We understood that he only knew what he had been told by those whom he loved in his life. A's profile on Facebook was made private after the last email.

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