January 2001 started out with a BANG! We were getting married and we decided it needed to be ASAP. No, I was not pregnant. We set our date for January 20th.
Our immigration attourney David had warned us that D's charges might carry a very stiff consequence here in the US and that any hopes of permanent resident status could be shattered. D scrambled to get answers. He called a few different places in Canada to speak to someone who could definitively answer that his crime was not one of moral terpitude. Well no such luck. All D would get was a letter stating that his crime was equivalent to that of a misdemeanor. Hopeful!
Wow! A break...we actually got a break! On January 9th David informed us that the US Immigration Dept. would accept the charges as a misdemeanor. They would not see it as a crime of moral terpitude as no weapon had been used to cause the bodily harm.
We were elated. Yes, that's right...we were elated!
We were married on the 21st by a justice of the peace at our apartment clubhouse near the pool. We had an intimate wedding with our closest friends and our family. We understood that the date came very quickly and were grateful for those who could make it. We had such fun. We had our own DJ, bartender and musician AKA friends. We danced until 0300. I had even hired an Elvis impersonator for D as a surprise. We laughed so hard as this short, overweight Elvis entertained us. It was perfect!
By January 25th D had received his INS work visa and by the 29th he had his driver's license, his SS# and a job offer. No job could ever be full time or permanent as the dark cloud was always looming in the distance. We would take everything one day at a time. There was no other choice.
In March D obtained his travel Visa and by April 10th he was back in Canada for his sentencing the following day.
March 11th, 2001 D was sentenced to one year of probation to be carried out in the USA where he lived and a $1500 fine which his mother paid. How grateful we were. My father, his wife, my brother and D's mom were all in the court room for support. I truly believe it paid off to have family present and D's attourney took full advantage.
On April 19th D had a family court issue to attend to. Again nothing accomplished. No specifics noted in my journal entry. By the 20th D was back home and we started planning our life together with a little more certainty.
I will refer to "we" for almost everything that pertains to D and I and anything we acquired while together. The truth of it all is that everything "we" bought was really what "I" bought. D had a lien placed on his credit from Child Maintenance Enforcement. He could buy nothing on credit, could not apply for any credit card nor a loan. It remains this way today. Everything would be according to my credit and my income.
We bought our house in May and took possession in June. During this month we took a road trip with the boys to Canada to attend my father's wedding.
During our stay there, D again went to family court on June 14th. This was initiated by him. His ex-wife was there and was allowed to speak about how she was not prepared and had no legal representation. She went on to say that D had been working and not paying his support payments. She presented a letter from D's trustee stating that he was working last August of 2000 and that was why he was not present for the BK hearing. What a blow! This was not a fact but the judge obviously took it as such as he had a letter in hand. D never saw the letter but attempted to defend that this was not in fact the case but the judge shut him up very quickly and stated he could speak at the "show cause hearing". The judge put the gavel to the wood and said that the hearing would take place in July.
D contacted his trustee regarding this letter. His trustee actually acknowledged that he had in fact made a mistake and wrote that D "had been working" instead of "looking for work". He was sorry.
Just typing out those words bring back a flood of emotions for me. Once I knew the outcome, I was livid, hurt, crying, shouting and so frustrated at the blatant negligence of this trustee. He was sorry! He did not care about D in any way, shape or form. He has a business and he cared about dollars and cents. Why would this surprise me? He had no clue nor did he care to have a clue about the magnitude of what he had done with this error. There was no going back and retracting his error on a document. The damage was done.
Here was D, ever so calm, consistent in his demeanor, professional, upstanding and always loving and caring no matter what had just gone on around him in his world. On the outside he was always steady but eventually what was on the inside would set itself free. Yes? I had an immense amount of respect for him yet there were times when I would have loved to see him scream and shout, get really angry, ball his eyes out, something, to release what was accumulating. How could this man remain sane? I have tears in my eyes and pain in my heart just reflecting on everything this guy went through.
I needed to pause for a moment as I could not see the keyboard.
Well D opted to not show up for his "show cause" hearing in July. I supported him 100% in his decision. If he showed up we were sure he would be thrown in jail until he could produce some money. We did not know how long this would go on for. D had an immigration meeting at INS with our attourney in August and we would not do anything to jeopardize that. We headed back to the US. We knew what consequence our decision would hold.
We concentrated on settling into our new home, designed and created all of our landscaping and managed our family as we both worked. We took pride in our work and made our family life a priority. D was part time and his employer was so flexible. We were always able to be there with the boys.
D had gone to the Department of Economic Security ("DES") to speak to a case worker re: his shild support obligations. A letter had come to our home requesting that he contact DES. The ex-wife was attempting to collect the support owed and sent a document with inaccurate, larger figures on them. No attention was paid to that communique. He started paying what DES was requiring him to pay...$75/mo. D was not hiding nor escaping. DES knew exactly where he was.
9/11/01 happened...we were awakened by a phone call early in the am and were glued to the television in our PJ's/underwear. Jaw dropping to say the least. We all witnessed the second plane hitting the tower. It was very eerie not seeing a single plane in our skies over our city.
November 2001 the AZ Diamondbacks won the World Series! We all shared in that excitement and watched every second of the final game. What a remarkable 9th inning!
2001 came to a close.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
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