By October 1999 D and I had burned up the phone lines. I wanted to see him and flew in for a weekend on October 8th.
We spent every waking moment living life together for 3 days. We loved each other. I have very fond memories of that short getaway.
We had cruised around in his "loaned out" car from place to place. D was 6'2", weighed over 200 lbs and drove a Ford Festiva. We laughed many times about this and as I type I am smiling still. His aunt Agnes was gracious and kind enough to lend it to him as he was left with nothing more than a suticase of clothing and a few personal items. D had shared that the ex-wife had the house, everything in the house, the car, half of all of the retirement monies and the kids. She also received child support and alimony totaling approximately $1000/mo. This was not enough. It would never be enough. This was an individual who had made sexual abuse allegations against D. Their beautiful, precious daughter, at the hands of her mother, without D knowing (in the beginning), was taken to "specialists" and underwent testing, questioning and physical assessments. There was a trial and D "won" the trial. What an oxymoron. There had been no proof of any abuse and all investigation led to negative findings. The judge (finally one who was looking at the whole picture) had mentioned her thoughts of placing the mother in jail and giving full custody to the father. This would never be the case. Eventually the ex-wife placed a formal complaint against this judge and she could never sit in on their case again. This legal battle was favoring the alienating parent at the cost of the children.
Time stood still it seemed. D had not seen his son and daughter in 6 months yet he was paying in full, his child support and his alimony. This dark cloud was getting larger.
We spoke in depth about our future together and pondered me moving to Canada vs him moving to the USA. Were I to move, my income could be used as household income and a portion could possibly be allocated to the increasing support should the ex-wife choose to take it to court. Well we certainly knew that would be highly probable. All conversations circled back to his children. In the end it was about them.
He missed them terribly and felt he wanted to try to get somewhere in the legal system before making any decisions. D had paid over $40K in support, over $20K in legal fees and owed the attourneys another $30K. He also had a credit card debt of approximately $5K (NOTICE: the attourneys' fees were higher than the support costs...this money could have been shared among the parents...these legal battles cause irreparable damage to the children and the firms stay in business). Prior to my knowing him, D had lived on welfare for a year due to court ordered support payments that were the result of false income statements. The Maintenance Enforcement Act allowed wages to be garnished as long as the individual who owed support was left with $250.00/mo to live on. This was legal and it was very real. I saw the actual scale on paper. I was dumbfounded. D's family was so supportive. The emotional support was crucial. I am grateful he had the family that he did. I only knew bits and pieces of this ordeal and it did not take a rocket scientist to figure out the gross injustice that had taken place and was continuing to occur. I would read some of the legal documents or hear the goings on and would simply shake my head in disbelief. It was amazing to me that this was allowed to continue within the court system. Was no one paying attention? It baffled my mind to say the least. What apathy!
The kind, gentle, sensitive man that I had grown to love and know was beyond broke and was becoming "broken". He was a man of honor and he would have to make some gut wrenching decisions. D filed Bankrupt in the Fall of 1999.
Shortly thereafter he managed to get a court date in family court and represented himself. His main goal was to attempt to make some progress, no matter how small, toward reunification with his children. The judge clearly stated that no decision would be made that day and D did not even have the opportunity to utter one single word. He was so upset. This would allow more time to pass and the alienation would gain strength. Some of his extended family was in the court room for support. They could not believe the injustice that had just occurred. They had lost all faith in the so called "justice system".
D wanted to fight for what was just and reunify with his kids but that was becoming increasingly more and more difficult. He could not live on what was left at the end of the month. He had no money to pay an attourney. The court system was and is part of the illness of parent alienation. The attorneys, judges, psychologists etc. do not understand the magnitude of this problem. Few are specialists in the area. You are a number on any given day. The docket is full. Next!
D decided to go visit the psychologist, Dr. G who had been involved at some level during this ongoing court battle between he and his ex-wife. D was so torn. She basically told him that from what she knew of his ex-wife, this would never end. She supported him in wanting a life. D shared with her that his son was already becoming physically ill from all of this. The school teacher had expressed this concern earlier in the Fall. The children were already alienated from D and it was getting worse as time went on. She encouraged him to take care of himself as well. He wanted to end the pain and suffering his children had gone through during the course of this lengthy court battle. 10 months or so had passed since he last saw his son and daughter.
A decision was reached. Child/spousal support payments would stop and he would leave Canada.
PLEASE check out our resource links in the TOP RIGHT hand corner. These resources will include both Parent Alienation/Syndrome information as well as support for divorced families.
No comments:
Post a Comment